i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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