i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
