If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I wish there were birth control emojis
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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