I looked at my own cervix.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
