Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
