I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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