Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
my shit smells like andre
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
