I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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