I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
What's dad's email?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.