You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.