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when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
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