SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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