you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
