brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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