you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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