you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Randomize
