There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
