Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
