I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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