Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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