sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I woke up under a house in Key West
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