dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
