My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
