yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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