so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
