It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I have feelings that need drinking.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
