i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
