yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
