If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
