I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
