that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
