I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Randomize
