shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
