We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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