some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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