I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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