I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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