dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
