Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
