Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
