If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
