is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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