I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
