So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
