Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
