This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
