My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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