I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
