soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
