Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
