my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
