Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
