i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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