I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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