Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
