Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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