I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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