when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
