I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
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the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
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She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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