I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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