just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
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I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
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There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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