Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
