The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
