I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
