Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
grandma shit on top of the toilet
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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