I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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