and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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