I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
