Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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