So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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