Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
