Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
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I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
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I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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