drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
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As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
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I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?