I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
