Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
