But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?