WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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