we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
