I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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