The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You need Xanax blowdarts
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
