is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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