Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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