I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
