hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
