Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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