You smell like a Billy Joel song
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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