Got a toothbrush?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
