Sober January is a disaster.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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