Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I have tasted many bathrooms
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
